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She's not in there anymore...

So I saw my grandmother, likely for the last time yesterday. I don't think that she's in there anymore. It's all over except for the shouting.

Grandma Chainsaw had a stroke sometime late Saturday. My father found her that night, un-responsive and took her to the ER. she got a bed sometime around 2am or so. She never woke up. She began atrial fibrillation on Tuesday. The doctors expressed their sincere opinion that there would not be significant improvement and that a feeding tube would be needed. Grandma didn't want that. In fact, she made a living will to that effect all the way back in 1987. So my father and his brother came to the grave decision to withhold fluids. I had intended to come down on Saturday, but Momma convinced me that I better come down sooner because Grandma might not last. I was able to talke a personal day off and drove down Wednesday night. I came back yesterday, and I'm going back tomorrow.

She's quiet, resting peacefully. The doctors prescribed morphine whenever she shows signs of distress.

It's interesting. I think this is the first time I've ever seen a comatose person with my own eyes. It's not like you see on TV or in the movies where the person just lies there with their eyes closed, completely motionless. Grandma was snoring in that bed. When the nurses came to turn her to avoid bedsores, her eyes flipped open and stared, sightlessly, then closed again. I think I've gained a bit more understanding as to why Terri Schiavo's parents were so convinced that Terri was still in there. But, I've said before, Grandma isn't in there anymore.

I held her hand, and stroked her head. She was warm. I thanked her for being in my life. I thanked god for making her such a wonderful person, and I wished for her to have as good a life in the next one as she did in this one. I told her I loved her, and I said goodbye.

And now we wait.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
tsjafo
Oct. 8th, 2005 01:49 am (UTC)
*hugs* Prayers and good thoughts on the way.
wcg
Oct. 8th, 2005 02:49 am (UTC)
Oh Sarah...

I'm glad you got to see her.
bfly
Oct. 8th, 2005 03:19 am (UTC)
I'm very glad you had time to do that. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
josette
Oct. 8th, 2005 03:36 am (UTC)
{{{hugs}}}
pagawne
Oct. 8th, 2005 03:42 am (UTC)
Sarah, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am glad you got a chance to say good bye. If I can help in any way, call me. Love you, Honey.
kshandra
Oct. 8th, 2005 04:12 am (UTC)
I'm sorry, sweetie. And I so understand what you're saying about the person you knew not being at home in that body anymore. *hugs* Love you, miss you.
(Deleted comment)
mcmiller
Oct. 8th, 2005 10:56 am (UTC)
My love to you and yours in a difficult time. I wish I had the magic words, but I don't. Take care of yourself and let others take care of you.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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MrsWeasley
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