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Wherein I ponder Friends Lists

Several times in the past I've seen an interesting attitude when it comes to Friends Lists. If person A removes person B from their Friends List, then person B quickly responds with something along the lines of "Why did you do this? Aren't we friends anymore?" And it seems like it happens often enough that when person A feels that hir Friends List has become unmanageable and removes several persons, person A posts something like "Now, if you're one of those ppl, don't worry. It's not personal. It's just necessary." It looks like this is an attempt to forestall any responses of "How could you? We're friends!"

I guess I just wish that some people would realise that it isn't always done because the friendship is breaking up. I've removed people from my Friends List simply because their LJ bored me, or I needed to cut down my Friends List so it wouldn't take me several hours a week just to catch up. Once it was because a very dear friend was saying some uncomfortable political things in his LJ and I couldn't bear to read it every week. Not that I was ending the friendship, but simply that I didn't want to read that LJ anymore. Maybe I'm in a minority, but I almost never look at my Userinfo to see who's still friended me. It bothers me that a person would take it personally that I didn't want to read their LJ, as if I've snubbed them by not reading it. As if, if I'm not reading it, then I'm not paying enough attention to them, and that simply won't do. Personally, I think it was a mistake to call them Friends Lists in the first place because the name itself seems to lead naturally into that attitude. Its too bad they couldn't have called it "Persons I'm Reading At The Moment" or even better "The I'm Reading List"

BTW, this post does not cover all cases. It was triggered by an instance where the removal of a person from a Friends List did indicate the ending of a friendship. My post has nothing to do with that; it just jogged my mind.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 5th, 2004 05:57 pm (UTC)
The very first "un-friending" I ever did on LJ was because someone was posting stuff I just... couldn't read. It was due to lots of personal triggers and a level of denial I found couldn't deal with. It was immediately interpreted as "dumping zir like a stone" and probably always will be. I'm coming to see that people sometimes have ~very~ different ideas about what friendship means, and sadly, as a result they do things to each other that are just plain unforgiveable by one party even when they were intended entirely differently by the other.

Ow. And now, having typed that, I need to go back and see if I can think of any other intent on the part of the person who recently disappeared from my life with no warning that might make sense in zir own framework.
Dec. 5th, 2004 08:10 pm (UTC)
I have a couple of people on my friends list that I don't know at all but found a post interesting, or in one case, hilarious. Then they ask me how I ended up friending them. "Oh, I loved your post on the fuck you list and then I read your main journal and you looked pretty cool" and I don't necessarily know this person at all. I have very few LJ "friends" that I read regularly. One I took off friends because of the copious posts and then I realized I could have filtered instead. I'm not going to ever have 50 people on my friends list. I have football to watch. :)
Dec. 5th, 2004 08:13 pm (UTC)
Well, I admit to checking out my friends lists every once and a while to see if people who I've directed here from other parts of my life actually made it.

But yes, many people on my friends list are not jump-in-front-of-a-bus friends, just "cool people."

More on my journal.
Dec. 5th, 2004 09:56 pm (UTC)
Yeah, but I still smile when I see your icon come up. Hope all is well with you. You have noticed how very often I post. Right now, boring is a good thing for me.

Lots of hugs
Dec. 8th, 2004 03:06 am (UTC)
All is quite well. Nice and quiet. I rarely have anything of import to post about and that's just fine with me.
(Deleted comment)
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )



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