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Dating code-words

Hey youse guys! I gotta question for ya. In a locked post, this question was raised: what are some loaded words/phrases or code-words/phrases used in dating? One example that nightshade1972 brought up was: "I need time to heal/I need my space/etc" can be codespeak for "I'm really not interested in you at all, but I at least have enough respect for you not to want to shoot you down in flames just because I can."

Another one that I've used is "It's not you, it's me." which often is used to mean "There's something about you that I can't stand/deal with." Although, when you think about it, "It's not you, it's me" is almost exactly correct: "There's something wrong with Me that I can't deal with You."

Dan Savage, had an interesting take on a guy who asked "I hooked up with a guy and now he says he can't date me because we weren't friends first." Dan's response: "He's saying that 'Now that I've gotten to know you, I don't really like you.'"

Do you guys have some others?



( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 30th, 2008 05:27 pm (UTC)
I've gotten, "I'm not ready for a commitment," after dating for 1.5 years. Oh yeah, and he said "Some of the best times of my life were with you."

WTF does THAT mean?
Dec. 30th, 2008 05:32 pm (UTC)
"I'm not ready for a commitment" sounds to me like "I can just keep stringing you along so I've got someone to be with on Friday and Saturday nights."
Dec. 30th, 2008 07:08 pm (UTC)
"We've grown apart" often means either

1) "I've grown up and you haven't."


2) "You're less interesting than my new hobby/friends/job."
Dec. 30th, 2008 09:52 pm (UTC)
Hmmmm. Dating ones I'm a bit light on having just come off the marriage circuit, but I can remember back in 1996 (last time I really dated) one guy saying he was going to be out of town all summer so. . have a good life. LOL

One I would use to keep an old relationship, well, OLD and not current is "I'm not ready to be with you right now - if things change in the future then maybe but for now just get on with your life."

I tend to be more direct with people than the sayings or phrases some employ.
Dec. 30th, 2008 10:08 pm (UTC)
"I'm not ready to be with you right now - if things change in the future then maybe but for now just get on with your life."

I got one of those a few years ago. I didn't understand at the time.

I'm thinking that I'm just not cut out for dating.
Dec. 30th, 2008 10:10 pm (UTC)
"I'm not ready to be with you. . ." for me that was to my former spouse, and what it meant was that I needed some time for myself and maybe when I'd had that time to evaluate where I was in my own life, I would know better if he were able to fill the place in my life that was available for a relationship or if we were just too far distant.
Dec. 30th, 2008 11:55 pm (UTC)
Lord knows dating frightens the hell out of me. I asked two guys out for coffee and they both turned me down. I mean, I thought I'd get points for the novelty value of the girl asking the guy out if nothing else.
Dec. 31st, 2008 06:05 pm (UTC)
That scares some guys and gets points from others.

Just like some girls will NEVER say anything and always wait for the guy to say something first (which seems unfair to me).

Personally, I prefer it when one person doesn't have always make the first move... but I think I may be weird that way.
Dec. 31st, 2008 03:15 am (UTC)
Interesting because I had a guy say he could not date me because we were friends.
Dec. 31st, 2008 06:07 pm (UTC)
I understand not wanting to risk a friendship by dating, but this seems to be different in a subtle way.
Dec. 31st, 2008 03:36 am (UTC)
Here's the thing: ignore anything after the word because to understand what a person means. "I can't date you (because)" or "I need __ (because)" Ignore the supposed why and you have the message.

In the case of "I need time to heal" the paragraph preceding it had an implicit because. "I'm not ready for a relationship with you. (because) I need time to heal." "I'm not ready for sex (because) I have to deal with the kids/my job/a bad breakup/menstruation/moon phases."

I can't date you, commit to you, deal with you... that's all that you need to understand about the sentence. The rest of the sentence tells you whether or not they're an asshole. Anything that lays the blame on you = asshole.
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )



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